Messages Your Children Need to Hear (sorry so small)
Carol Tuttle 12/30/2009
Infancy ( 0-9 months old).Developmental Need: To be validated for “being who you are.”
“Welcome to the world! We’ve been eagerly waiting for you.”
“We have prepared a special place for you.”
“All your needs are important to us. We will provide for you willingly.”
“You can be touched and held when you want to be.”
“You are more important than any of my doings.”
“We love you just the way you are.”
“There is nothing you have to ‘do’ to be loved.”
“We like feeding you, bathing you, changing you, and spending time with you.”
“We want to take care of you, and we are prepared to do that.”
“You are a gift to the world. In all the world, there has never been another like you.”
“God smiled the day you were born.”
Toddler ( 9 – 18 months old).Developmental Need: Supported in exploring, sensing and doing in the world.
“It‘s okay to be curious, to want, to look, to touch, and to taste things.”
“We will make it safe for you to explore.”
“We love you just the way you are.”
“We are here to take care of your needs. You do not have to take care of our needs.”
“It is okay for you to be cared for by us.”
“It is okay for you to say ‘No.‘”
“It is okay for us to be different. We will work out our differences.”
“It‘s okay to feel your emotions.”
“Your emotions are important to us.”
“You can be you, and we will always love you.”
“We love watching you grow and learning to walk and talk, and starting to separating from us.”
“We love and value you.”
Preschooler ( 3 – 6 years).Developmental Need: Coming into your own identity and power.
“It is okay for you to test your boundaries and find out your limits.”
“We will set appropriate limits for you, to keep you safe and help you find out who you are.”
“We like your energy; we like your curiosity about life.”
“It’s okay for you to think for yourself, and we will think for ourselves.”
“You can think about your feelings, and have feelings about what you are thinking.”
“You can know what you need and ask for help.”
“It’s okay for you to feel any way you want to feel.”
“We see and appreciate your wholeness.”
“You can think and feel at the same time.”
“We are glad you are starting to think for yourself.”
“You can try out different ways of using your power.”
“We love to listen to you.”
“We are here for you.”
“We love to do things with you.”
“It’s okay to cry even though you are growing up.”
“It is good for you to find out the cause and effect of your behavior.”
“You can ask questions if something confuses you.”
“You are not responsible for our marriage.”
“You are not responsible for our happiness.”
“You are not responsible for the problems in our family.”
“It’s okay for you to explore who you are.”
School –Age ( 6 – 12 years).
Developmental Need: Fitting in, having structure, knowing and learning.
“You can be your own unique self at school.”
“There is no one you have to please.”
“It’s okay to learn to do things your own way.”
“It’s okay to think about things and try them out before you make them your own.”
“You can trust your own judgments.”
“You can do things your own way and it’s okay to disagree.”
“We love you just the way you are.”
“You can trust your feelings to guide you and to know what you want.”
“It is okay to want. You can have dreams and desires.”
“You deserve to have the things you want. It will be fun to see how they show up.”
“You have a lot of spiritual help to assist you in creating what you want in life.”
“You can dress the way other kids dress, or you can dress your own way.”
“We respect and trust your choice of friends.”
“We love growing with you.”
“God is watching over you and cares very deeply for you.”
“The world is a safe place; there is so much goodness for you to experience.”
“You deserve to attract safe and loving people into your life.”
Adolescence ( 13 – 18 years).Developmental Need: Separating and creating independence from family.
“You can take all the time you need to grow up.”
“You can know who you are, and learn and practice skills for independence.”
“You can grow in your maleness and femaleness.”
“You can still feel dependent at times.”
“We are happy with your choices.”
“Our love is always with you.”
“It is okay to make mistakes.”
“You can always choose again.”
“We trust you to ask for help.”
“We look forward to knowing you as an adult.”
“You can develop your own interests, relationships, and causes.”
“You can learn about sex and nurturing, and be responsible for your needs, feelings and behaviors.”
“We approve of you.”
“We love you.”
